


I can't deny, that I am hurting

by sadmarchhare



Series: Horatio Comforts Hamlet [3]
Category: Hamlet - All Media Types, Hamlet - Shakespeare
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Beta Read, it's his dad thats the dead person okay, title from an autoheart song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:14:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24018838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadmarchhare/pseuds/sadmarchhare
Summary: Hamlet misses his dad more than anything and Horatio comforts him.
Relationships: Hamlet/Horatio (Hamlet)
Series: Horatio Comforts Hamlet [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1470245
Kudos: 29





	I can't deny, that I am hurting

There wasn’t any place lonelier than Hamlet’s head. At any time, he could feel everything around him just slide through his fingers like sand while he just stands there, the loneliness in his head appearing before his eyes. And after his father died things just got worse, he used to talk to his dad about pretty much everything. Sure, he got mad at him sometimes for stupid things he was young after all but he got along way better with him than with his mom or his uncle that constantly tried fraternize him with. 

It’s not that he disliked his mother it’s just at some point in his pre-teen years he realized how much easier it felt to talk to his father. And he just overall never really liked his uncle he was only polite to him because his dad asked him to, no however he didn’t have to. 

He couldn’t stand being inside the castle right now, although it was cold, he sat on the grass looking at the small pond they had. By himself Hamlet was already a sad person, since realizing he was different and since truly knowing what being a prince that would be future king implied it all started to be too much. And although he could confide some of his worries on his father and some on his closest friends there were some things, he kept for himself. All of the awful feelings all these worries brought worsened when his father was killed. 

On top of his depression getting worse he had to live in this cold castle with his mother that he felt awkward around and was mad at, and his uncle that he truly despised now. Each day was more painful than the last, trying to distract himself sometimes brought up memories that only made him feel worse. 

If he walks around the corridors, he’s reminded of all the times as a child that he followed his father around, “My dear Hamlet, what do you want now?” his father used to ask him. If he goes to the library, he’s reminded of all the books he used to discuss with his father for hours on end. Every place in this god forsaken cold maze was littered with memories. 

Even the pond he sat in front of right now, it was when he decided to tell his father something that could have strained their relationship forever. “Father, I have something important to tell you,” he could his throat getting drier just thinking about what he felt during that time. “What is it?” his father had looked so serene that day, maybe that’s one of the reasons he finally decided to just tell him. “I think I like men in the way you like my mother.” Tears were rolling down his face recalling the memory, he had cried back then too. Hugged his father and all King Hamlet had told him was “Neither God nor I love you any less for it.” 

He could feel his need to cry growing bigger and his breath slowly getting caught in his throat. What a great relief that day brought him and now he was back at step one. He was lonely. Only one more person knew that one secret and basically everything else he told his father. But right now, he was just stuck in his own lonely thoughts. Thoughts where there’s nothing beyond this cold night, the days that have passed and his heavy heart that sat on his chest and that he could swear was breaking his ribs. 

This was too much and he didn’t deserve any of it. What had he done? Had his dad lied and God didn’t love him? A laugh escaped him between his tears, “I don’t think I have the strength to survive.” If he was to live a life of pain and loneliness, he’d rather just die. Let his head drop into his hands. What was he to do? 

“Hamlet?” He lifted his head and looked to his right, so Horatio had been looking for him. He sat down next to him and continued, “Why have you been crying?” Hamlet let his head fall onto Horatio’s shoulder and closed his eyes. 

“I miss my father so much.” “I know my dear prince, I know.” He could fell tears starting to well up in his eyes again, and without notice Horatio started running his hands through his hair. “And I just, feel so lonely. I know I have you but at times it seems I forget it and all I know is my thoughts telling me it’s over, I’m alone and I should just die.” Horatio hummed before saying, “First it’s important you know no matter what death isn’t the solution to this. I’m here and I’m going to help you out of your thoughts okay?” 

He felt calmer now, his heart started to feel less heavy. He loved Horatio with all his heart, truly, no one else had the same power over him than this man he decided to give his affections to the moment they met. Hamlet knew he was lucky Horatio loved him back and he felt back his brain sometimes ignored that in favor of torturing him with doubts and insecurities. 

“Okay.” “Things will be hard for a while now though; I can’t lie to you. Recovery is hard but possible and keep this with you, I’ll be with you in every step of the way.” He didn’t know what to say. Hamlet didn’t know just how much he needed someone to tell him something as simple as what his boyfriend had just said. Horatio let the hand that had be stroking Hamlet’s hair fall down. And he lifted his head from Horatio’s shoulder and kissed him. 

Things would turn all right. As long as the moon kept his favorite star, after all there’s no shame in needing help.

**Author's Note:**

> leave kudos, comment anything if you liked it and come be my mutual on twt @wlwtrekkie or on instagram @sovietdetective


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